Sitting with Feelings
From Daily Om, a community of 1.6 million subscribers who receive free daily inspirational messages. I have been nourished by their free daily inspirations for well over a year. I want to make sure you know about the messages. I particularly liked this one. It matches my sense of the value of sitting with feelings.
It can take great courage to really sit with our feelings, allowing ourselves to surrender to their powerful energies. All too often we set our feelings aside, thinking we will deal with them later. If we don’t, we will end up storing them in our minds and bodies, and this is when anxiety and other health issues can arise. Denying what our bodies want to feel can lead to trouble now or down the line, which is why being in the thick of our feelings, no matter how scary it seems, is really the best thing we can do for ourselves.
One of the reasons we tend to hide or push aside our feelings is that we live in a culture that has not traditionally supported emotional awareness. However, as the connection between the mind and body — our emotions and our physical health — becomes clearer, awareness of the importance of feeling our feelings has grown. There are many books, classes, workshops, and retreats that can help us on our way to emotional intelligence. We also can trust in our own ability to process what comes up when it comes up. If sadness arises, we can notice its presence and welcome it, noting where in our bodies we feel it, and allowing ourselves to express it through tears or a quiet turning inward.
When we simply allow ourselves to fully embrace our feelings as they come, we tend to let them go easily. This is all we are required to do. Our feelings simply want to be felt. We often complicate the situation by applying mental energy in the form of analysis, when all we really need is to allow — just like the Earth allows the rain to fall upon it. As the rain falls, the Earth responds in a multitude of ways, sometimes emptying out to form a great canyon, sometimes soaking it up to nourish a forest of trees or a valley of flowers. In the same way, the deeper purpose of our feelings is to transform the terrain of our inner world, sometimes creating space for more feelings to flow, sometimes providing sustenance for growth. All we need to do is allow the process by relaxing, opening, and receiving the bounty of our emotions.
Letter to Tomorrow
By Jackie Morris. Film by Marry Waterson.
I've had the following quote by the great scientist, Albert Einstein sitting on my desk for over a year. Every time I read it I pause to take in the wonder of life. I share it with you now and hope you derive inspiration.“The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is at the root of all true science. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power which is revealed in the incomprehensible Universe is my idea of God.”
At another time, Einstein started with the same words but continued in a different but related way. Both quotes reveal how he honored the mystical.
The Gift of Deep Listening
Kay Lindahl, an author and founder of The Listening Center, writes of the inherently sacred nature of reflective listening:
Perhaps one of the most precious and powerful gifts we can give another person is to really listen to them, to listen with quiet, fascinated attention, with our whole being, fully present. This sounds simple, but if we are honest with ourselves, we do not often listen to each other so completely.
Listening is a creative force. Something quite wonderful occurs when we are listened to fully. We expand, ideas come to life and grow, we remember who we are. Some speak of this force as a creative fountain within us that springs forth; others call it the inner spirit, intelligence, true self. Whatever this force is called, it shrivels up when we are not listened to and it thrives when we are.
The way we listen can actually allow the other person to bring forth what is true and alive to them. Sometimes we have to do a lot of listening before the fountain is replenished. . . . Patience is required to listen to such a person long enough for them to get to their center point of tranquility and peace. The results of such listening are extraordinary. Some would call them miracles.
Listening well takes time, skill, and a readiness to slow down, to let go of expectations, judgments, boredom, self-assertiveness, defensiveness. I’ve noticed that when people experience the depth of being listened to like this, they also begin to listen to others in the same way.
Cynthia Bourgeault is a modern day mystic, Episcopal priest, writer, and internationally acclaimed retreat leader. She divides her time between solitude in her seaside hermitage in Maine and a demanding schedule traveling globally to spread the recovery of the Christian contemplative and Wisdom paths. She is a faculty member emeritus of the Center for Action and Contemplation and the founding director of an international network of Wisdom schools, uniting classic Christian mystical and monastic teaching with contemporary practices of mindfulness and embodied presence. She has been honored as one of the 100 most spiritually influential living people in 2021.
Trillium practitioner, Sara Perry, Mdiv, LCSW-C has been a hospice social worker for more than 20 years. In addition to providing guidance and support to people in life-threatening illness and their families, she created some ground rules of safety in groups. What a wealth of information she offers.The following characters or roles that show up in any of us and speak out while we are together will be asked to Stop talking, Step back, and Stay quiet:
Fixers, Rescuers, Advisors, Correctors.
Parker Palmer’s “Circle of Trust Touchstones for Safe and Trustworthy Space”:
“Speak your truth in ways that respect other people’s truth. Our views of reality may differ, but speaking one’s truth in a circle of trust does not mean interpreting, correcting or debating what others say. Speak from your center to the center of the circle, using “I” statements, trusting people to do their own sifting and winnowing.”
“No fixing, saving, advising or correcting each other. This is one of the hardest guidelines for those of us who like to “help.” But it is vital to welcoming the soul, to making space for the inner teacher.”
“Learn to respond to others with honest, open questions. Do not respond with counsel or corrections. Using honest, open questions helps us “hear each other into deeper speech.”
“Observe deep confidentiality. Safety is built when we can trust that our words and stories will remain with the people with whom we choose to share, and are not repeated to others without our permission.”
“Know that it’s possible to leave the circle with whatever it was that you needed when you arrived, and that the seeds planted here can keep growing in the days ahead.”
Read Sara's full essay here.
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
The Rev. Dr. Lynn Ungar is minister for lifespan learning and editor of Quest for the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship, an online congregation for isolated religious liberals. Unger's words, although spoken in the time of the Corona virus pandemic, are universal and timeless and remind us that "we are all in this together", mutually responsible for both self and other.Pandemic
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20
And so will I
I say, that ain't gonna happen
You say, what if I get lost?
I say, you'll just find your way back
And you say, what if someone breaks my heart?
I'll put it back together like I do
That I've been out there chasing?
What if when my fears show up
I'm too afraid to face them?
Well, I can't fight your battles
But I sure can hold your hand and promise you
And the sun will always shine
The stars will keep on falling
For the ones who wish at night
The mountains won't start moving
And the rivers won't run dry
The world will always be there
And so will I
I say, we'll be changing with them
We'll just sing a different melody
And dance a different rhythm
You say, what if I give up?
I say, that it's one thing that I'll never let you do
And they leave me empty-handed?
I say, losing only teaches you
To not take things for granted
No, I can't just bring them back
But darling, I can hold your hand and promise you
And the sun will always shine
The stars will keep on falling
For the ones who wish at night
The mountains won't start moving
And the rivers won't run dry
The world will always be there
And the sun don't want to shine
If the stars we used to wish on
Disappear into the night
Well, I can move a mountain
But only by your side
Just say you'll always be there
I know you'll always be there
And so will I
The Paradox. We embrace the limits and the unlimited. We embrace the manifest and the unmanifest ... that which changes and that which never changes. 
I just came across this statement and it reached me. How does it land in you?
from Shulamit Elson,
... the true nature of reality is such that there is no security, and that the outcome can never be assured. Circumstances are such that we have no other choice than to walk in faith. Having faith in our connection to God in the present moment, acting with passion to create a new future, is all that is needed. No longer desiring to know what cannot be known, giving up the need to know what is going to happen, we leave anxiety and fear behind. This is not an escape from reality; it is an embracing of Reality."
My sister sent me this quote from Indian-born Canadian poet and author. Rupi Kaur. May it guide you at this time of starting a new year and decade.
The year is done. i spread the past three hundred sixty-five days before me on the living room carpet.
here is the month i decided to shed everything not deeply committed to my dreams. the day i refused to be a victim to the self-pity. here is the week i slept in the garden. the spring i wrung the self-doubt by its neck. hung your kindness up. took down the calendar. the week i danced so hard my heart learned to float above water again. the summer i unscrewed all the mirrors from their walls. no longer needed to see myself to feel seen. combed the weight out of my hair.
One of my friends and colleagues, Cathy Pascal, is a Focusing Oriented Therapist. Her beautiful articulation of Focusing includes,the river itself moves through you.
Freshness and a deep joy
are signs of the current.
Rumi
Focusing is about connecting with the stream of direct experiencing and aliveness that exists within you. This is the current, signed by freshness and joy, that Rumi speaks to above. I consider it soul work.
Focusing is a mind/body process and method of inner attention which you can use to bring clarity, movement and growth into all areas of your life. When you Focus, you pay compassionate attention to a holistic body awareness (a felt sense) that holds meaning in your life. You learn to notice and listen to these felt senses and receive the deep level of information and experience that they hold. Because the whole self is involved, the result of Focusing is not only greater knowledge and insight but directly experienced life change. You understand yourself better, you feel better, and you act in ways that are more likely to create the life that you want.
My friend and colleague, Subhaga Bacon, wrote a beautiful essay reminding us why fixing strategies don't serve our awakening. She writes:
Chris Morris is a wonderful healer, bodyworker, yoga teacher, author and agent of change. I completely resonate with what she recently wrote about somatic processing and its value. She writes:Bodies are experts at processing. Bodies don’t tell us stories. They simply relay what is. We can ignore it or not, disconnect from our sensations or feelings or not—regardless, the body endures. Our bodies hold our stories, experiences, triumphs and traumas. Bodies don’t lie. It’s all in there if it hasn’t been fully processed. Our issues are held in our tissues as energy and possibly literal unmovable spaces.
When we don’t fully process our life events (feelings, emotions, experiences) they literally remain in our body as stuck energy in our electric nervous system (synapses, neurotransmitters) and our chemical nervous system (neuropeptides, tissues).
The beautiful thing about working with bodies is once you free up the stuck energy, other parts of us move, too. When we free our body, we free our minds. When we free our body, we free our emotions. When we free our body, energy moves better and we feel more connected both inside and outside of ourselves. We literally feel more like who we truly are ... (to read the rest of the story, click here)
Sanji Hills and I have been co-leading online sittings every 3 weeks since September 2017. During the May 20, 2018 sitting, Sanji presented a thoughtful presentation on the value of being profoundly seen and how that fosters whole being realization. Sanji spoke about the imprints that can form in early childhood when we were not adequately met by our parents and caregivers. This is often through no fault of those who cared for us, and simply the result of our caregivers having needs of their own. This lack created the seeds of codependence which have been described as a "self-love deficiency". That deficiency sets us up to look outside ourselves in an attempt to heal the childhood wound of not being seen and heard. Sanji skilfully brings in masterful insights from many traditions which support the important Trillium concept of mutuality and how mutuality can help heal the wounds she described in her presentation.- Is it possible to just purely listen? Can you listen without an opinion?
- Where is this deeper listening located within your body?
- Who are you, who am I, who are we, within this deep, heartfelt listening?
My dear friend and colleague, Margit Bantowsky, is continually an inspiration to me. She has a beautiful website and posts blogs that open me to deeper understanding. One of her passions is "Awakened Activism". She recently wrote,Here is a suggestion for integrating despair. The key is to feel fully while at the same time compassionately witnessing your experience - Feel it, Be it, and See it.
- Get comfortable, close your eyes, take some deep and slow breaths, and settle into your body and into this present moment.
- Take some time to notice the space around you - sensing sound, temperature, the feel of environment.
- Gradually bring your attention to your core/ torso (neck, chest, belly).
- With your attention on your core, bring to mind what's so hard for you to bear about the world, and then pay close attention to feelings and sensations that arise in your body.
- Being both the witness and the experiencer, just allow yourself to notice "Wow, this is what it feels like to be me right now. This is what my heartbreak and despair feel like in my body right now."
- Being with how it feels in your body is quite different than being with all of your thoughts. Experiment with noticing this difference. The body is key.
- Take time to just be with yourself in this way... you are giving yourself the greatest of all spiritual gifts: being fully Present with yourself.
- Gently add some self-kindness or self-compassion into the mix, like "oh, I'm sensing how hard this is for me, how my heart aches for the world and I don't know what to do" (you could even place your hand somewhere comforting, like over your heart).
- Allow the generosity of your Presence to make room for your whole experience, e.g. your care and concern about things, your overwhelm and confusion, your limitations, your desire for things to be different than they are, your fear and heartbreak and frustration, etc. All of it.
- Let yourself rest in and as yourself, as you are, the totality of your experience, for several minutes.
- If new feelings arise, allow those waves of feelings to move through you while continuing to keep one foot in the "witness" awareness as best you can.
- When you feel ready to stop, take a moment to sense some gratitude for how deep your love, care, and concern are, and appreciation for your courage to turn toward yourself and to life in this way.
Note: You won't "get rid of despair once and for all" by doing this process. Because of our capacity to love, there's a way in which heartbreak is just a natural condition of being in this wild world of matter because there will always be some form of suffering. However, as we continue to integrate, despair gradually becomes less debilitating, our hearts widen to hold more and more life, and joy and trust become increasingly accessible.